Every Monday morning Alex (not his real name) and I met for breakfast at our favorite dive in Harvard Square. I would notice visible bruises and cuts on his face, arms, and legs, but assumed the black and blue marks were simply par for the course for a guy who enjoyed the rough-and-tumble adrenaline high that come with playing weekend scrimmage football.
I don’t recall a time when Alex didn’t have a knot on his head, a cut on his lip, a bite into his skin, welts on his arms or stitches. I did notice, however, over time that the teddy bear sweet guy who sat across the table from me with a smile as wide as the Charles River on Monday mornings looked beaten up rather than injured.
When I began asking Alex about his bruises he shrugged off my queries and talked about something else. Some Monday mornings he would call me at the last minute to cancel or he wouldn’t show up at all. One morning he called me to cancel telling me he was in Mount Auburn Hospital. His partner had stabbed him severely.
October is Domestic Awareness Month, and within lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) communities of color, not enough attention, education, intervention and advocacy is given to this issue. Statistics estimate that 25-33 percent of the LGBTQ population will experience some form of partner abuse or domestic violence in their lifetime. The Inter-Personal Violence (IPV) study conducted in 2011 stated that LGBTQ communities of color are one of the demographic groups experiencing high incidents of domestic violence.
However, to obtain accurate statistics of how high IPV is in these communities are obfuscated by social stigmas and cultural taboos, not excluding also racism and other forms of oppressions and discriminations. What also obfuscates obtaining accurate statistics on how high IPV is in these communities of color is that same-gender interpersonal violence is clouded with myths.
For example, there is the myth that because the victim and the abuser are of the same gender and are also in a consensual sexual relationship, the battering that occurs start out as a mutual act of S&M that somewhere during the course of the couple’s sexual encounter the violence gets out of hand. Another myth is confusing same-gender sexual violence as homosexuality.
Sadly, because these myths still abound among many healthcare workers and law enforcers about what same-gender interpersonal violence is, LGBTQ communities — particularly those of color — are least likely to seek out services and resources. Domestic violence is not only an act of physical violence; it can also be an act of sexual violence as well as mental violence such as threatening and stalking.
Because Alex wasn’t out to his team, his partner — a flamboyant effeminate male who couldn’t simply be introduced as just a buddy without suspicion — could only watch him play from a distance. Alex’s partner’s eyes turned into suspicion as he watched friendly innocent pats on the butt during games. And he began stalking Alex. On the morning we were to meet, his partner accused him of an affair, and a fight ensued.
There are at least several factors contributing to the ongoing uninterrupted incidents of domestic violence in communities of color. One is the dominant view that combines the social ills of race and violence to be the face of Black males.
Alex was seen several times for his scrapes, cuts and bruises in the same emergency room at the same hospital. However, with violence associated with young Black males, the protocol and treatment for domestic violence related injuries in inner-city hospitals for these patents are rarely introduced or followed up.
Another is the lack of police intervention. The police were called to the house several times by both Alex and his partner. If they came at all, they were coming to the call of an interracial couple in distress. However, when the cops looked at Alex — African American, 6’2’’ and 200 pounds — and then his partner—White, 5’9” and 160 pounds — judgment was rendered as to whom was the abuser.
Resources and services have to be made available to LGBTQ communities of color. And this is the time to reach out to us. Everyone deserves a safe, loving, healthy and violent-free relationship. LGBTQ communities of color have to be educated to embrace the fact that they do, too.
Rev. Irene Monroe is a Huffington Post blogger and freelance journalist.