Like many others who came to the United States, my Nigerian parents had a goal. They arrived in the ’80s, determined to go to college, establish themselves, and care for their family back home. They believed in the American Dream — go to school, get a good job, work hard, start a family, buy a house, and retire. This was the blueprint for a successful life, and they expected nothing less for their children.
I recall my father reminding my siblings and me how blessed we were to be born and raised in the U.S. “You have opportunities here that we never had,” he’d say, stopping at any chance to remind us that immigrants always have something to prove.
But as my generation grew up, we saw the cracks in that dream. My parents, well into their 60s, are still working as hard as they did when they arrived. The times have changed — technology has advanced, society and culture have evolved, and the economy has shifted. Yet, their approach to success remains rooted in a relentless work ethic.
Many millennials, like myself, looked at their struggle and said, “Not today, not ever.” The exhaustion, the endless bills — what kind of life is that? We want to put ourselves in a better position to avoid what our parents experienced. But in doing so, we face the question of what Black excellence means to us.
There’s an unspoken rule that Black people, especially in America, have to be exceptional to be considered successful. During the devastating global pandemic and after a “racial reckoning” that left more promises of hope and change unfulfilled, more Black folk are realizing that Black Excellence is a setup.
Statistics confirm that Black women, in particular, are leaving traditional 9-to-5 jobs at staggering rates. Some are quitting the corporate world to find happiness elsewhere, tired of toxic workplaces where they are underpaid and undervalued. The Great Resignation allows Black women to redefine excellence on their terms, but it’s not always by choice.
Black people are choosing peace of mind over thankless servitude — no matter how excellent the jobs look on paper, a pat on the back these days equates to more work. However, the workforce’s expectation of perfection without reward still disproportionately negatively impacts us. We remain at the bottom even if we break through hurdles. What’s the point of being a rat on a treadmill? Moving and not going anywhere at the same time?
Black Excellence has devolved into a show for white validation, even though it began as a reclaiming of our power. During Black History Month, we parade our achievements as proof that we have survived despite the “isms” that still stigmatize us, but we need to do better to talk about how much of who we are we have to give up to be accepted for who we are.
True success should be about thriving, not just surviving. Our parents dreamed big for us, but it’s time for us to dream even bigger — for a life that values our humanity as much as our accomplishments.
Laura Onyeneho is a multimedia journalist and has reported on social, cultural, lifestyle and community news.