Airlines may need a new rent-a-plane service to fly safe

YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID IT

By Sheletta  Brundidge

Where are they getting these raggedy airplanes from? Is Boeing using aluminum foil to cover the exterior and taking tips from Toyota on how to install brakes? Oh my Lord, this is just another reason that I don’t fly anymore.
Shawn and I began boycotting airlines a year ago and haven’t looked back. When we get ready to travel or go on vacation, we build an extra day or two into our trip, gas up the car and hit the road.  That way we leave when we get ready, come back when we please, and pack all the bags we want without being hit with fees.
We don’t have to be scared about buying too many souvenirs because they may put our luggage over the weight limit. Cars give us our freedom and cost less. Now driving rather than flying will apparently save our lives as well.
When I checked the voice mail on my home phone the other day, a message let me know my good friend Mary was ”safe.” I didn’t know Mary, one of the senior staff writers at the Associated Press in New Orleans, was in any danger.
After further investigation, I learned that Mary was on that raggedy plane that left New Orleans but was promptly grounded after the cabin smoked up like a bar-b-que pit and face masks dropped from overhead. What the hell is going on?
These raggedy planes are falling out of the sky like that’s what they’re supposed to do. Southwest Airlines might as well be flying a fleet of 1969 green Buick Skylarks, ’cause that’s the quality of the fleet they’re loading up with passengers in the ”friendly skies.” They might as well replace passenger seats with coffins — it won’t be long before they kill a couple hundred passengers.
The FAA had to ground all the planes from their old fleet and inspect ’em. You gotta replace old cars; what makes the airline think they ain’t gotta replace old planes?
When they get rusty, when the oil starts leaking, when the rear view mirror falls off your whole fleet of Boeing 747 planes, it’s pretty much time for you to get some new ones. Trade ’em in and see if the new plane dealership will give you something on your down payment. But it’s definitely time to trade that joker in.
I know the economy is bad. My family needs a couple of new whips too. Shawn’s ride is so old that his bumper is dragging the ground, and my rear end is hooked to my car with a spool of chicken wire. We trying to save a few dollars after both being laid off all summer long.
But baby, when we hit the road, when we get ready to travel, we rent something that we know will get us there and back without putting our family at risk or in danger. Perhaps they should put up a new rental plane booth next to the rental car center at airlines across the country.
Yeah, that’s right, I said it. If these airlines are too cheap to buy new planes, maybe they can rent one till they get back on their feet. But with all the money they’re hauling in from baggage fees, peanut prices and restroom surcharges, I don’t see what the problem is!

Sheletta Brundidge was a regular contributor to the MSR until she relocated to Cincinnati, Ohio; she is now an occasional contributor. Twin Cities residents can still get a daily dose of Sheletta’s observational humor by visiting her website at http://sheletta.com.