Self-forgiveness the key to personal growth

Hello, once again, to those of you who had followed and responded to my ”Starting Anew” column. I know it has been a while since my last article, and that is partially due to the fact that I am adjusting to my new place of residence.

Since my life had been a whirlwind of one mistake after another, I had begun to feel undeserving of the accomplishments and progress I have made. This caused a lot of self-doubt and negativity as well as some emotional hurt I’ve caused others, which I needed to ask forgiveness for as well as forgive myself (this can be harder than asking others to forgive me).

In this article, I have chosen to talk about self-forgiveness and the importance of it, especially if one needs to have continued success.

I spoke with various people who are making a difference, not only in the community but also in my life as well. I hope that this article will help others, as it has helped me during the preparation of it, to learn how to take the steps towards self-forgiveness.

The question presented to these people was, ”Why is self-forgiveness needed and important for one to be and stay successful?”

R. Bean of St. Stephens Outreach team responded, ”Everyone makes mistakes, and if you feel there is no room for improvement you will never move forward and never progress. So you have to let go of whatever it is that is holding you in that negative self-defeating state.”

There is also a gentleman I have come to admire, Mr. T. Campbell, because he has made a complete turnaround in his life through his struggles with addiction and criminal history. I thought it very fitting to have his input with this article as well.

Mr. Campbell lived a life of drugs, hustling, and gang life and is now a straight-A college student and gives back to his community in so many ways. ”I had to finally come to the point that I did not want to live a life of crime, addiction or gang activity as I had grown up in believing that was the only way to survive,” Mr. Campbell recalled.

“While I was incarcerated, I started seeking peace and realized that I could have a better life; and in order to do that I had to let go of my past mistakes and see them as just that — mistakes. I am not a failure, and now I am not only helping others, [but also] I am feeling better about myself, which is a definite asset to my ongoing success.”

I also presented the question to Minister Subrena Hill: ”If you don’t forgive yourself, you will never have a chance to grow and it will hinder you from any type of future. So in order to mature in the natural and in the spiritual, you have to forgive yourself in order to move forward. If your higher power is strong enough to forgive you, then you have to believe that your higher power will continue to make you strong enough to work on your own self-forgiveness.

“Also, forgiveness will help with your not comparing yourself to others,” Minister Hill added. “This is a problem I have noticed with many people who become unwilling to forgive themselves. They are so busy comparing themselves to others and believing that the mistakes they made are worse than someone else, and it is very unhealthy.”

As usual, I always appreciate input from Pastor DeWayne Hill: ”It is true that we will tend to forgive others, or we will attempt to forgive others for the wrong they have done us. Sometimes we even have to forgive Our Higher Power because some people will tend to blame their source of strength for the things done wrong either to them or things they have done to others. There is a process to self-forgiveness.

“When we ask the question, ‘Why me, God?’ and don’t fully understand, it can become overwhelmingly frustrating. We need to understand that life happens to everyone, and not coming to grips with the things we have done it will keep us in a holding place.

“So my main answer is connected to the Higher Power factor within ourselves. We are angry at the fact that ‘What caused me to act or do this.’ If we never release that, we become trapped in our own prison of the mind. When the mind becomes trapped, then it is extremely difficult to want to move forward because the feeling of hopelessness sets in.

“What you speak into your life (or rather into your head) can cause you to cage yourself, and what you feel has caused your life to be shaped as it is. Our words are manifested, and they shape our lives.

“Think of Proverbs 18:20 — A man’s moral self shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth and with the consequences of his word. We must forgive ourselves and not stay hostage to our own ‘woe is me’ self-talk.

“Forgiving yourself does not make the wrong right — it just allows you to set yourself free from that which is holding you back. In other words, you acknowledge your wrong and not excuse it.”

I once again want to thank all those who had input into this article and all of you who continue to follow my column with your responses. Until next time, be good to yourself and no matter what, never give up!

James Davis welcomes reader responses to jcd.iamfree@yahoo.com.