Dome memories — of miseries

  During the countdown to this Sunday’s Vikings-Detroit Lions season finale — the last game at the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, whose doors first opened in 1982 but will close forever next month — endless “Dome memories” stories will be read and heard ad nauseam.
Instead of memories, this final “Another View” column of 2013 will share, in no particular order, our Dome miseries:
1) First game ever: watched a Detroit-Twins baseball game in 1982 and couldn’t find the ball because of the all-white fabric roof.
2) The Timberwolves played their first season there and artificially inflated their attendance to set a record.
3) Denied access to the Twins clubhouse during the playoffs despite having a season-long media pass — forced to interview Torii Hunter in the hallway as a result
4) Complained after hearing two former Black Twins players justify why a song with the N-word blasted away after a game; my complaint column forced the team to institute a song-playing policy during media-access periods.
5) Constant snubs by the Twins media relations staff.
6) Once couldn’t fit in my seat at a Vikings preseason game.
7) Had a brief altercation with an apparent drunk media member in the press box during a 2007 Gophers-Wisconsin football game who tried to sit in one of the MSR-assigned seats; the individual and his publication later apologized to me in writing.
8) Forced to sit next to two Chip and Dale-chatty White reporters at Gopher football games for almost three years.
9) Watched the 1991 Final Four from the Dome media room due to a credentials mix-up.
10) White fans constantly stood and blocked my vision at my first Vikings game this season.
11) A CBS official once stopped me from interviewing UConn Men’s Basketball Coach Jim Calhoun, even though he agreed to speak with me, because it was after the so-called official press conference.
12) First developed my intense dislike for college mascots because one blocked my view during an NCAA regional game.
So long Dome. I won’t miss you.
The 2013 Bow-wows
Overture, curtains, lights. This is it, the night of nights…our annual Banished Words list, or as we call them, the Bow-wows, are here.
This year we selected several silly and overused lingo-laced phrases often babbled by sports broadcasters. Sealed in an old mayonnaise jar…the envelope, please:
“Time to go out and execute” — You think? After all it is just a game, right?
“He’s [or she’s] got a quick first step” — What about their second?
“That’s key to the game” — The proverbial key, however, always seems to be lost — check the couch.
“It’s gonna take a miracle” — It’s a game, not a revival.
“They can practically taste victory” — This would be better suited for the Food Network bake-off contest shows, not a sporting contest.
“It is what it is” — If we can only know what “it” they constantly refer to.
“He ran out of real estate” — The player obviously didn’t hear we are in a housing crisis.
“Bet they’d like to have that one back” — I wish this often when I hear broadcasters say this: I bet they’d like to have that silly phrase back into their silly mouths.
“They’re playing against the clock” — If I was watching a game involving clocks, this phrase might be more acceptable.
“Now they’re just running out the clock” — See above.
“He [or she] gives 110 percent” — Evidently these broadcasters didn’t take math in school.
Of course there are more, but time and space don’t allow me to continue. See you next year.
Information from allthelyrics.com and a Snickers print ad was used in this week’s column.
Charles Hallman welcomes reader responses to challman@spokesman-recorder.com.
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