Keith-&-Lesli

โ€œOnly a peck of trouble?โ€ You could count on Luis to never use discretion, especially when he needed to most. The copโ€™s partner โ€” they looked like twins modeling for a Marines recruiting poster, square-jawed, beefy and blue-eyed with about the IQ of a tree stump โ€” told Luis to shut up.

The cop asked Keith, โ€œWhat you got to say for yourself?โ€

Whatever the agenda was, either they hadnโ€™t found any drugs or werenโ€™t looking for any. Or the cop wouldโ€™ve said something. If only Luis would keep his trap shut, Keith might be able to reason a way out of this. Started to say, โ€œOfficerโ€”โ€ then looked at the stripes on the copโ€™s uniform. โ€œSergeant, I donโ€™t know what to say for myself.โ€

The cop nodded with sly smile. โ€œGood start.โ€ Then quit smiling. โ€œBut we ainโ€™t finished. We far from finished.โ€

โ€œUh,โ€ Luis said, โ€œhow near or far are we from finished?โ€

โ€œYour friend not smart, is he? Looking for a fat lip.โ€ If either of them, the sergeant or the officer, raised a hand to Luis, Keith knew, theyโ€™d both be waking up with black eyes, busted lips and headaches. And the tour would get not exactly the kind of publicity Helen and Alena had counted on.

Keith said, โ€œThis is my developmentally disabled cousin. Please, donโ€™t pay him any mind. Heโ€ฆ,โ€ glaring at Luis, โ€œdoesnโ€™tโ€ฆknowโ€ฆanyโ€ฆbetter. But heโ€™s going to shut up from now on.โ€  He added, still staring at him, โ€œIsnโ€™t he?โ€ Luis visibly seethed. Kept silent.

The cops looked at Luis, both well pleased. โ€œHow can we make this go away?โ€ Keith asked. โ€œPay a fine?โ€

The sergeant rubbed his fingers together. Keith reached in his hind pocket. The cop put a hand on his gun. Keith slowly took his wallet out and handed it over. The other cop nudged Luis. Who, Keith thanked God, gave him his billfold. Keith and Luis never saw that money again. Or the wench.

When Helen came around after the cops left, she was not happy. โ€œWhat was that all about?โ€ she demanded.

Keith didnโ€™t want to get his buddy fired. But had to say something. โ€œMisunderstanding,โ€ he muttered.

โ€œMisunderโ€”!โ€ Helen looked back and forth at the both of them. Knew she wasnโ€™t going to get a straight story out of either one. โ€œDo I have to babysit?โ€

Luis, job on the line or not, couldnโ€™t resist. โ€œWaa-waa.โ€ And put a thumb in his mouth.

Keith gave up and put his head down. Silently nominating Esme for sainthood. Helen stalked off in disgust. Keith crawled back in the rack. โ€œManโ€”โ€ Luis started.

Keith cut him off: โ€œYou do know thereโ€™s a rubber room and straight jacket waiting somewhere. With your name engraved over the door.โ€

Luis nodded. โ€œYeah.โ€

Keith then said, โ€œYou my man and the whole nine. But, pack your stuff.โ€

โ€œWhat, Iโ€™m fired?โ€ Luis was enraged.

Keith didnโ€™t bat an eye. โ€œNo, but you ainโ€™t ridinโ€™ with me.โ€ He leaned over and looked closely at his friend. โ€œBunk in with Helen. Or the girls.โ€

โ€œAw, man, come on.โ€

โ€œLuis, Iโ€™m havinโ€™ your back to do this much. Look at whatโ€™s goinโ€™ on. As it stands, we got stopped by the law and it probably wonโ€™t hit the press. Unless and until that chippie gets it in her mind to make a real mess of this. Odds are, sheโ€™ll come back wanting money to keep quiet.โ€

โ€œI ainโ€™t payinโ€™ her nothinโ€™.โ€

โ€œYeah, well, you wonโ€™t pay her on another bus. I donโ€™t need the headache. Not now.โ€

Luis understood. Keith and his woman were on the mend. Keith didnโ€™t need Lesli getting bent out of shape about some groupie.

Luisโ€™ problem now was whoโ€™d take him in. Angry as Helen was, he didnโ€™t dare beg at her doorstep. โ€œUhโ€ฆJax?โ€

Keith heard him thinking. And let him squirm. โ€œYeah?โ€

โ€œThink you could put in a word with Sam and her friends?โ€

Next week: Luis moves in with Lola.

Dwight Hobbes welcomes reader responses to P.O. Box 50357, Mpls., 55403. 

Dwight Hobbes is a contributing writer at the Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder. He can be reached at dhobbes@spokesman-recorder.com.