The importance of modeling healthy relationships

The BeMore Campaign knows that Black M.E.N. C.A.N be the solution. BeMore has become the front runners in increasing healthy, nonviolent relationships, decreasing teen dating violence, and engaging men and young men to end violence against women and girls inside of homes and in communities around the world.

The pledge goes hand in hand with three principles of change adopted by BeMore that entail skills development, leadership development and community solutions. This internationally known campaign was developed by Sam Simmons, SAFE families manager at Family Partnership, as a culturally competent model to facilitate African American men speaking with African American young men.

Simmons also noted that “the pledge is meant to put a positive public face on men dealing with domestic violence and help them consciously engage in the solution, consciously think about it.” The pledge is memorized by every employee and all members within the BeMore Campaign. The purpose is that each staff member and every person involved with BeMore can consistently be reminded to display those qualities that show M.E.N. C.A.N.

By saying the pledge every day, you can feel and see the change in our members, their homes, and their communities. This pledge drives BeMore to not stop this campaign until every Black man has the knowledge of these six values and it is being passed down from generation to generation. So come to our office and pick up a form or go to our website and print off our form and make the pledge and show everyone in the world that Black M.E.N. C.A.N. be the solution.

The first value in the pledge is: “I pledge to Model the role Black men can take to break the cycle of violence against women and children. In this article we will be focusing on Modeling.

Who among us doesn’t want a partnership we can trust through various challenges? The sort of relationship in which nobody loses tolerance or talks in unforgiving tones; a relationship in which we feel superbly safe partnering with somebody who genuinely shares our vibe.

Great relationships take expertise, and ability regularly starts with great good examples. Lamentably, a significant number of us need good examples of great relationship. In some cases, abuse and mayhem are the main illustrations that our Black men have seen.

An excessive number of young Black men don’t have positive role models to show them that Black men don’t hurt women and that strength is not equivalent to power. We as Black men are required to effectively include ourselves in aiding young Black men today to turn them, through modeling and mentoring, into the men we need them to be.

Modeling the importance of healthy relationships is obviously something that every man around children and adults should consider when in their presence. But after work, during extra activities, and just while fulfilling ordinary adult responsibilities it is hard to remember to do those little things to set that prefect example for children.

The GoodMen Project, founded by Tom Matlack in 2009, is an organization that focuses on starting international conversations about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. The GoodMen Project has incorporated a model list for men to go by when modeling healthy relationships to children.

Basically, in this list The GoodMen Project gives you a rundown of things that a child needs to know to build a healthy relationship. Since such a large amount of what our children learn is derived from examples, we must ask ourselves, “What are we showing them by our example within a relationship? How are we getting along with our spouse or significant other, as well as with other children, siblings and parents?”

The list:

  • Do you say, “I love you”?
  • Do you speak negatively about your relationships when the other half is not around?
  • Do you find ways to be together?
  • Do you share the relationship workload together?
  • Do you find ways to include your children as you work through the good and the bad?
  • Do your children see you resolve conflict?

The list is short and simple, and I know you probably think you already do these things, which you probably do. But are you doing it in front of those children who need it most and showing them good examples of healthy relationships?

BeMore understands we can’t presume and won’t attempt to tell anyone how they should or should not model healthy relationships. We can only speak from our own experiences, and we know there are times that it is difficult to do the right thing and behave the right way.

But BeMore also sees that if men are aware that children are observing their relationships it motivates them to continuously model positive behavior. This is one of the goals of BeMore, to see that through modeling healthy relationships Black men can correct the course and navigate through to the extermination of domestic violence in our community.

Thank you for reading this article, and stay on the lookout for our next article on the importance of Engaging Black men in the conversation to develop violence-free lives. TEACH our children about healthy relationships and TOGETHER we can BREAK the cycle of domestic violence.


For more information about the Pledge Campaign or BeMore, contact Willie Roller III, BeMore mentor project coordinator, at 612-728 2056 or

This project was supported by Grant No. 2013-CY-AX-K023 awarded by the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this program are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Department of Justice, Office on Violence Against Women.