• Advertise
  • Donate
  • Subscribe
    • Become a print subscriber
    • Sign up for e-Newsletter
    • e-Editions
Sunday, September 24, 2023
No Result
View All Result
Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder
  • News & Features
    • National
    • Local
    • Special Editions
      • MLK Legacy
      • Black History Month
      • The MSR Celebrates Women’s History Month
  • All Sections
    • Opinion
      • Mellaneous by Mel Reeves
      • Word on the Street
      • Reaching Out From Within
    • Health + Wellness
      • Women’s Wellness
      • Parenting Today
      • Minnesota Cancer Alliance Breast Cancer Gaps Project
    • Sports
      • Timberwolves/NBA
      • Lynx/WNBA
        • 20 in 20
      • Twins/MLB
      • MN Wild/NHL
      • Vikings/NFL
    • Business
      • Small Business Month Celebration
      • Black Business Spotlight
      • Finances FYI
    • Arts + Culture
    • Photo Galleries
      • Photo of the Week
    • MSR Forefront Digital Roundtable Series
      • MSR Forefront Highlights
    • Go Green
    • Education
    • Bulletin
    • Jobs & Notices
      • Legals
      • Announcements
  • Events
    • Submit an event!
  • Obits
  • Sister Spokesman
  • e-Editions
Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder
  • News & Features
    • National
    • Local
    • Special Editions
      • MLK Legacy
      • Black History Month
      • The MSR Celebrates Women’s History Month
  • All Sections
    • Opinion
      • Mellaneous by Mel Reeves
      • Word on the Street
      • Reaching Out From Within
    • Health + Wellness
      • Women’s Wellness
      • Parenting Today
      • Minnesota Cancer Alliance Breast Cancer Gaps Project
    • Sports
      • Timberwolves/NBA
      • Lynx/WNBA
        • 20 in 20
      • Twins/MLB
      • MN Wild/NHL
      • Vikings/NFL
    • Business
      • Small Business Month Celebration
      • Black Business Spotlight
      • Finances FYI
    • Arts + Culture
    • Photo Galleries
      • Photo of the Week
    • MSR Forefront Digital Roundtable Series
      • MSR Forefront Highlights
    • Go Green
    • Education
    • Bulletin
    • Jobs & Notices
      • Legals
      • Announcements
  • Events
    • Submit an event!
  • Obits
  • Sister Spokesman
  • e-Editions
No Result
View All Result
Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder
No Result
View All Result

Partnering up can help you grow as an individual

by Gary W. Lewandowski Jr
February 14, 2022
43
SHARES
858
VIEWS
Share on FacebookShare on LinkedIn
happy black couple sharing news and smiling at table
You can hold onto what makes you your own person while learning from a partner’s strengths. Photo by Andres Ayrton on Pexels.com

It’s common to want to become a better version of yourself. Much like the desires to eat, drink and avoid harm, human beings also experience a fundamental need to learn, grow and improve—what psychologists call self-expansion.

Consider your favorite activities. Things like reading a book, spending time in nature, volunteering with a new organization, taking a class, traveling, trying a new restaurant, exercising or watching a documentary all broaden the self. Those experiences add new knowledge, skills, perspectives and identities. When who you are as a person expands, you enhance your competence and capabilities and increase your ability to meet new challenges and accomplish new goals.

Of course, you can achieve self-expansion on your own by trying new and interesting activities (like playing Wordle), learning new things (like advancing through a language app) or working on a skill (like practicing meditation). Research confirms that these kinds of activities help individuals expand themselves, which encourages them to put forth more effort on subsequent challenging tasks.

Interestingly, romantic relationships can also be a key source of growth for people. As a relationship scientist for over 20 years, I’ve studied the effects all kinds of romantic relationships can have on the self. Today’s modern couples hold high expectations for a partner’s role in one’s own self-development.

- ADVERTISEMENT -
The Good Brigade/DigitalVision via Getty Images beavera/iStock via Getty Images Plus

Growing in your relationship

Falling in love feels good, and spending time with a romantic partner is enjoyable, but love’s benefits run even deeper. People tend to value partners who help them become a better version of themselves.

One way to optimize self-growth in your relationship is by sharing in your partner’s unique interests and skills. When “me” becomes “we,” partners blend their self-concepts and include the other in the self. That merging encourages partners to take on each other’s characteristics, quirks, interests, and abilities to some extent. Romantic partners inevitably have different life experiences, knowledge bases, perspectives, and skills. Each area is an opportunity for growth.

For example, if your partner has a better sense of humor than you do, over time, yours will likely improve. If they have an eye for interior design, your ability to put together a room will evolve. A partner’s differing views on climate change, politics or religion will grant you new perspectives and a deeper understanding of those topics. Your relationship helps you become a better person.

This isn’t to say that individuals should try to completely merge, running the risk of losing themselves. Rather, each person can maintain their own identity while augmenting it with desirable elements from their partner.

Relationship consequences of more or less

The science makes it abundantly clear that couples with more self-expansion are better relationships. Specifically, people who report more self-expansion in their relationship also report more passionate love, relationship satisfaction, and commitment. It’s also associated with more physical affection, greater sexual desire, less conflict, and couples being happier with their sex life.

- ADVERTISEMENT -

Because self-expansion is so critical, when expanding relationships end, participants describe feeling like they have lost a part of themselves. Importantly, when less-expanding relationships break up, individuals experience positive emotions and growth.

When a relationship provides insufficient expansion, it can feel like it’s stuck in a rut. That stagnant malaise has consequences. Research finds that married couples who at one point indicated more boredom in their current relationship also reported less marital satisfaction nine years later. Insufficient relationship self-expansion also encourages people to have more of a wandering eye and pay more attention to alternative partners, increases susceptibility to cheating on one’s partner, lowers sexual desire and comes with a greater likelihood of breakup.

man and woman relaxing on couch
The self-expansion provided by a strong relationship has benefits for the relationship itself. MoMo Productions/DigitalVision via Getty Images

How does your relationship measure up?

Maybe you’re now wondering how your own relationship is doing on this front. To provide some insight, I created the Sustainable Marriage Quiz. On a scale from 1 to 7, with 1 being “very little” and 7 being “very much,” answer these questions:

  1. How much does being with your partner result in you having new experiences?
  2. When you are with your partner, do you feel a greater awareness of things because of them?
  3. How much does your partner increase your ability to accomplish new things?
  4. How much does your partner help to expand your sense of the kind of person you are?
  5. How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?
  6. How much do your partner’s strengths as a person (skills, abilities, etc.) compensate for some of your own weaknesses as a person?
  7. How much do you feel that you have a larger perspective on things because of your partner?
  8. How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things?
  9. How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?
  10. How much does your partner increase your knowledge?

Before adding up your score, know that these categories are generalizations. They suggest where your relationship may need attention, but also where it’s already strong. Relationships are complicated, so you should see your score for what it is: one small piece of the puzzle about what makes your relationship work.

  • 60 and above—Highly Expansive. Your relationship provides lots of new experiences and helps you reach new goals. As a result, you likely have a more fulfilling and sustainable relationship.
  • 45 to 60—Moderately Expanding. Your relationship has produced some new experiences and additions to your self-concept, but you have some room for improvement.
  • Below 45—Low Expansion. Currently your relationship isn’t creating many opportunities to increase your knowledge or enhance you. Consequently you likely aren’t improving yourself as much as you could. Consider making an effort to seek out more new and interesting experiences with your partner. You may even rethink if this is the right partner for you.

What makes a relationship great? While there are many factors to consider, one area deserves more attention: how much it helps you grow. A relationship that fosters self-expansion will make you want to be a better person, help you increase your knowledge, build your skills, enhance your capabilities and broaden your perspectives.

- ADVERTISEMENT -

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. is a professor of psychology at Monmouth University.

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license.

Support Black local news

Help amplify Black voices by donating to the MSR. Your contribution enables critical coverage of issues affecting the community and empowers authentic storytelling.

Donate Now!

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)

Like this:

Like Loading...
ADVERTISEMENT
Previous Post

Meet The Teenage Mentalist Out To Conquer The World

Next Post

Department of Safety settles with journalists

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr

You Might Also Like

Oscar buzz accompanies release of ‘If Beale Street Could Talk’
Arts & Culture

Oscar buzz accompanies release of ‘If Beale Street Could Talk’

Next Post
Department of Safety settles with journalists

Department of Safety settles with journalists

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
ADVERTISEMENT

Upcoming Events

Sep 12
September 12 @ 6:30 pm-December 18 @ 9:30 pm Recurring

Vic Volare Presents MUSIC FOR MARTINIS ft: Vic’s Fabulous Nightclub Academy

Sep 25
6:30 pm-8:30 pm

Community Roundtable with Ayodele Casel and Torya Beard

Sep 26
7:00 pm-9:00 pm

Climate and Equity in Minneapolis: What we could win in this year’s budget

Sep 27
8:00 am-12:45 pm

It’s Time to Talk: Forums on Race™

View Calendar
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Read our latest e-Edition!

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Subscribe

  • Home/Office Delivery
  • Weekly e-newsletter
  • e-Editions

Support

  • Donate
  • Subscribe
  • MSR Newsstand Locations

Connect

  • About
    • MSR Staff
  • Contact
  • Send a news tip
  • About
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms

© 2023 Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder

No Result
View All Result
  • News & Features
    • Local
    • National
  • All Sections
    • Arts & Culture
    • Health & Wellness
      • Women’s Wellness
      • Parenting Today
      • MN Cancer Alliance Breast Cancer Gaps Project
    • Business
      • Black Business Spotlight
      • Finances FYI
      • Small Business Month Celebration
    • Opinion
    • Sports
  • Events
  • Obits
  • Sister Spokesman
  • Donate
  • Subscribe

© 2023 Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder

 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: