Sister Spokesman’s February event “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” brought the community together for a panel discussion on domestic violence, raising awareness and helping attendees identify warning signs of abuse.
Community members gathered at the Hallie Q. Brown Community Center, shared a meal, shopped from Black-owned business vendors, and participated in games and raffles. Throughout the afternoon, women laughed, reconnected with old friends, and met new ones.
Each table was decorated with a white tree where guests hung notes describing what healthy relationships look like to them. Brown cards hung from the branches listing qualities such as honesty, loyalty, happiness and soft-spokenness.
The panel featured three women: Artika Roller, executive director of Cornerstone Advocacy Services in Bloomington, who has more than 20 years of experience supporting victims and survivors of intimate partner violence, sex trafficking, and sexual violence; Kc Gammage, a licensed marriage and family therapist providing mental health services in school-based and outpatient settings, with more than 14 years of experience at the Harriet Tubman Center in Minneapolis as a domestic violence relief advocate and healing group facilitator; and April Bryant, who has more than 25 years of experience in social services, trauma-informed care, and the healing arts, and who shared her own journey as a domestic abuse survivor.
Bryant said learning how to love herself was essential to her healing. She shared that she attends therapy and encourages others to do the same.
“I had to write down what my values are … I had to write down what brings me joy, and this is something we can all do,” she said.
The hour-long panel touched on topics including reporting domestic abuse, supporting survivors, and educating children before harmful behaviors become ingrained.
Gammage spoke about the consequences of normalizing negative interactions, such as witnessing a violent argument between a couple at a gathering and dismissing it as “that’s just how they are” or “that’s none of my business.” She also challenged the belief that “what goes on in this house stays in this house.
“We normalize [abuse] in our community and our society,” Gammage said. “The first thing you tell little girls if a little boy hits you is what? He probably likes you. So we are indoctrinating our children with the idea that pain equals love, and that it should be accepted.”
In her work, Gammage has seen cyclical and intergenerational patterns of abuse. Many people grow up hearing stories of parents or grandparents experiencing abuse, she said, and those who cause harm are often survivors of trauma themselves.
“I’ve never seen someone act violently toward another person who didn’t also have trauma,” Gammage said. “There are two victims in that situation. When people don’t know how to regulate emotions or develop coping skills, they tend to violate boundaries.
“There’s systemic work that needs to be done within our communities,” she added. “People say, ‘Well, I’m not crazy.’ And I say, ‘Okay, but are you hurting enough to get help?’”
Roller emphasized the importance of identifying early warning signs before abuse escalates. “Look at the ‘shut ups.’ Look at the small threats,” she said. “When someone talks down to you in a group, when the joke is on you, you are the joke.”
Roller also addressed behaviors such as gaslighting and stonewalling.
The panelists advised those with loved ones in abusive relationships to listen without judgment and affirm their experiences.
“It’s the deficiency in self-belief that allows abuse to continue,” one speaker said. “Listen, and if you can’t listen, it’s okay to exit because judgment can cause more harm.”
The theme of self-love resurfaced throughout the discussion. “If you offer yourself love, nurturing, kindness, patience, and honor your voice, it gives you a better foundation,” Gammage said. “We can’t let the chaos of the outside world dictate what’s happening inside of us.”
Spoken-word artist Michelle Perdue closed the event, reflecting on witnessing the abuse her mother endured and her journey of resilience.
Jamelah Cooper attended as a vendor with her handcrafted jewelry business, So Me by Jamelah. This was her third year participating in Sister Spokesman events. “It’s a beautiful environment,” Cooper said.
“This month’s event was encouraging, positive and affirming. It catapults you and makes you want to do something with your community, and I love it.”
Damenica Ellis welcomes reader responses at dellis@spokesman-recorder.com.