Helping children stay cool: teaching restorative justice and conflict management

Conflicts arise each and every day. The conflict can begin as a simple disagreement and escalate to more pressing challenges. Therefore, it is vitally important for youth to gain and develop the tools needed to address conflict and mitigate the associated challenges. This helps to ensure youth are safe and empowered to solve their own problems. Yet, conflict management, de-escalation strategies and restorative justice practices are not part of the traditional educational curriculum. This is a missed opportunity to equip our youth with the necessary tools to navigate the rocky terrain of rising tensions, stormy emotions and the threat of potential violence.

I interviewed Andy Lor, Wallin Upturn and a youth advocate to learn more about peaceful problem-solving and youth development.

Q: How can we recognize conflict early?

A: Many of us have experienced overwhelming feelings that can cloud judgment. We lash out, say things we don’t mea n, and throw our peace off balance. Not only is this harmful to others, but it is also harmful to ourselves. Conflict can negatively impact one’s well-being and mental health.

How we handle conflict can stem from our upbringing. Every child has experienced a conflicting situation, but not many know how to resolve one. Without proper guidance, children don’t know how to regulate emotions. It is important to remember that behavior begins at home. As first educators, parents must demonstrate behavior that teaches younger generations how to manage conflict and continue spreading kindness for a better world.

Q: What is restorative justice?

A: Restorative justice is when we focus on healing the harm caused rather than simply punishing the offender, ultimately bringing the community together to understand the impact and how to make things right. Punishment is only a short-term resolution. Without learning from mistakes, people are more prone to repeating offenses.

Q: How can restorative justice be used as a tool for community building and conflict management?

A: The importance of restorative justice is evident when communities actively repair the harm done to achieve meaningful accountability. When restorative justice is successful in conflict, communities thrive. We build a safer and more interconnected world for future generations each time restorative justice is achieved.

Isaiah Allen’s new book, “Stay Cool, Stay Safe, Stay Strong,” features engaging, helpful techniques for overcoming challenging emotions. When emotions are high, children tend to react differently. When unaware of how to regulate their emotions, children are at risk of negative behavior. The mantra emphasizes three steps that help children become thoughtful, resilient and knowledgeable in conflict management.

• Stay cool: To help keep their cool, children should pause and take a breath before reacting, enabling them to think clearly.
• Stay safe: Tensions increase when children react negatively. By walking away and taking time to understand their emotions, children stay safe and avoid potential harm and violence.
• Stay strong: Life can take a toll on children. Remembering what they stand for is a significant demonstration of strength.

Key strategies for teaching children conflict management

First Educators can equip youth with the tools to develop as healthy and balanced adults who can address conflict, create solutions and promote engagement.

“First educator” refers to the fundamental primary role that parents and caregivers play in a person’s early development and education. They instill essential life skills, morals and behaviors.

Andy shares these practical strategies to support the learning journey:

Practice active listening: Children are sensitive to adults taking sides. To diffuse tension, support and communicate with both sides in conflict. Slight intervention is necessary to show children that their feelings are acknowledged.

Model the way: To children, parents are viewed as role models. Behavior is learned at home. By modeling conflict management behavior, younger generations are aware of how to react in tough situations. For example, model how to communicate their frustrations and when to walk away and come back when they’re ready.

Ask reflective questions: Don’t shame children for wrongdoings. Instead of asking “why did you do this?” or “why are you like this?”, guide them by asking reflective questions like “what were you thinking and feeling at the time?” This holds them accountable while also promoting emotional awareness.

Teach principles of emotional intelligence: Children are still learning right from wrong. It is important to educate them to avoid repetitive mistakes that lead them down the wrong path. Don’t just tell them what they’re doing wrong, but also why. Point out why and how their behavior can affect others by instilling empathy.

Engage in problem-solving together: To foster autonomy, encourage them to share ideas to solve the problem. Respect their ideas and reaffirm where necessary rather than shutting them down.

By teaching the “Stay Cool, Stay Safe, Stay Strong” process, we are equipping our youth to live more abundant lives. It will allow them to learn to manage their emotions and solve problems effectively. This is the foundation for building healthy relationships and strengthening our communities.

Join Planting People Growing Justice every first Saturday for the Leaders Are Readers program for intergenerational reading circles that bring children and families together through storytelling and interactive activities, plus a free lunch and book giveaway from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Jimmy Lee Recreation Center. For more information, visit www.ppgjli.org/. You can also reach Dr. Artika Tyner directly at drartikatyner@gmail.com.